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Monday Night Football Live: Indianapolis Colts at New York Jets
Texans fans should be interested in what happens with the Colts tonight.
The Jets host the Colts tonight, but fans from both teams have likely steeled themselves against any thoughts of their team playing for a championship at NRG Stadium in Houston, Texas in February. That’s not to say that it won’t be a good competitive game, and it never hurts Texans fans to keep a keen eye on an AFC South competitor that is fighting for a division title.
Indy still has a legitimate shot at winning the AFC South, but they are a shell of the team that once pushed deep into the playoffs. Andrew Luck will do his part through the final stretch of the season, but the Colts are not ready to threaten the AFC’s top performing teams like the Patriots or Raiders. Just last week, Indy was humiliated 28-7 at home by the Steelers (6-5).
The New York Jets put up a valiant effort against the Patriots last week, only to lose in the end 22-17 to seal their fate for the 2016 campaign. Draft talk should dominate the airwaves and blogs dedicated to this team for the remainder of the year.
Grab your favorite beverage and snack combination. Settle into your favorite chair. The floor is yours to share your thoughts with others in the comments below.
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A Steelers Fan Drafts for the Texans
I am making my rounds to every NFL team to be the GM for a day. Like other folks around the league, I am looking forward to next years draft. I have made several mock drafts for the Steelers, but I thought why not put on my GM hat for another team? So I’ll will take my black and gold glasses off and draft as a Texan. For my mock, I will be using the Walk the Mock online draft tool to run my scenario. This is a tool I recently created, so I hope you enjoy using it.
Signing up for an account unlocks player info like measureables and stats, very useful if you don’t yet know the players!
Looking at your team needs, in no particular order, the biggest needs are at OT, S, CB, QB, and G. Basically any position on the OLine is up for an upgrade and/or youth. I see you have a pair of aged tackles and a fresh face would provide some security and could provide some cap relief if the front office decides to move on from a veteran. A road-grading gaurd would be great for opening lanes for Lamar Miller. In the secondary age can be a liability. Believe me, we have been going through the same thing in Pittsburgh. S Quintin Demps is 31 and will also need a replacement sooner than later as will CB Johnathan Joseph. The QB position is rather precarious. Brock Osweiler has not been worth the money this year. While he could improve in his second year with the team, it might be a good idea to grab some insurance. Without further ado, let’s get this started!
Currently, I have the Texans drafting at 15, which should net a quality 1st rounder. At this stage, basically any option is on the table. In this scenario, CB Teez Tabor, OT Cam Robinson, and S Malik Hooker are all in consideration for our 1st pick. As I mentioned, the secondary is aging, but I feel the bigger need is at OT. The strength of this offense should be running the football. Finding the left tackle of the future should improve the running game and help keep a clean pocket for our fresh faced QB.
Pick: OT Cam Robinson, Alabama
This round has a lot of TE talent, but I think we should stand pat for now with Fiedorowicz. Some other talent that has fallen to us is at WR and RB, but again, I feel we should be okay at those positions. The only logical choice here without reaching to far is CB Tre’Davious White from LSU. This is a solid pick as he has good size (6’0″) and play-making ability (2 int, 13 pd).
Pick: CB Tre’Davious White, LSU
Oh baby. We have been given a gift. Every year, for some inexplicable reason, players fall and teams can get a major value pick. QB Brad Kaaya, who is a projected 2nd rounder, has fallen to us in the 3rd. While this most likely won’t happen, I can’t pass that up. Now we don’t have to pin our hopes on Osweiler. Win/Win.
Pick: QB Brad Kaaya, Miami
I still think we need to upgrade the OLine and while we did that with OT Robinson, we could use an improvement at guard. I like Forrest Lamp from Western Kentucky. He plays OT but will be more suited to G in the pros. However that does give him some position flexibility, which is always a good thing.
Pick: G Forrest Lamp, Western Kentucky
How could I pass up the opportunity to reuinite T.J. with J.J.? I have a twin brother, and you better believe I would play harder for him than anybody else. Those of you with siblings will understand.
Round 5: EDGE T.J. Watt, Wisconsin
Round 6: S Johnathan Ford, Auburn
Round 7: OT J.J. Dielman, Utah
Need and value matched up great for the Texans. I was able to upgrade the offensive line with OT Robinson and G Lamp. I also found an upgrade at CB and a gift in QB Kaaya. I was also able to reunite the Watt brothers… (No, I’m not crying. It must be the dry Texas air…)
I think I held the GM position very well, but my heart is still in Pittsburgh, so I will pass the GM hat back to you. I am curious to see your opinions on my draft and I would also like to see your picks through Walk the Mock. Post your results in the comments below!
Helpful hint: On the draft results page, click ‘Copy as HTML’ and paste below. It will create a clean report!
It’s Thursday night! Join BRB as we enjoy the first dish of this week’s football buffet.
The NFL is a copycat league. It’s an adage that’s consistently repeating itself because the GMs and coaches in the league are just magpies fluttering around from shiny thing to shiny thing. A few years ago, it was 6’4 220 lb. cornerbacks who could jam receivers at the line of scrimmage before blanketing them with their condor-like wingspans (I’ll always remember you, Stanley Jean-Baptiste).
This year’s ‘‘hot new thing’’ seems to be going retro. Like, 1980s retro where the team runs the ball 35+ times a game. That’s what the Dallas Cowboys have done this season. They are the only team in the NFL to average 30 rushing attempts per game; that’s even more than the brand of Exotic Methmouth (credit to Weston) played in Nashville. The Cowboys have done this through the amalgamation of three All-Pro offensive linemen, along with a player who was supposed to be a top five pick but went undrafted and signed with the Cowboys anyway. This line is Dallas’ offensive spearhead. Ezekiel Elliott is a wonderful player, as is Dak Prescott, but the Cowboys would not be this successful if not for what was in front of those two players. Elliott’s a franchise back regardless of where he goes, and Prescott masterfully runs the offense by not turning the ball over and being enough of a threat with his legs to force defenses further into an unending amount of peril trying to stop this offense.
That peril will fall to the Minnesota Vikings tonight. Texans fans have already seen the Vikings’ stout defense once this year. Whereas we couldn’t pose a threat to it and its many stars, Dallas will, and that’s going to be the big match-up tonight.
That being said, the Vikings will be without their head coach Mike Zimmer for this game as well:
Mike Zimmer’s vision became worse after walk-thru. He had surgery for a detached retina. Out tonight. DC George Edwards will run the D.
Another week, another four things to watch as the Texans take on the Packers.
Last week’s loss made it all more clear that our attempt at offensive revolution isn’t working. We just didn’t get down the field enough, and we lost the turnover battle as well. This week we head to Green Bay to take on a Packers team that is a shadow of its former self. Can we end the losing streak, or is just the start of a sad slide to 8-8 or worse?
Either way, here’s four things to watch this week:
After the announcers couldn’t stop mentioning the fact we were the least penalized team in the league prior to last week, we promptly went and gave away a mass of penalties. Nine to be exact, plus two more that were declined.
Only two penalties were on the offense (both by Chris Clark); eight were on the defense. Half of those were for being too early on the snap. Looking at you, Jadeveon.
If there’s one thing this team doesn’t need, it’s to be giving away yards. We need all the field position we can possibly get if we’re going to stand a chance of winning.
Bill O’Brien has usually been pretty intolerant of penalties given away so cheaply, so I expect a more disciplined display against the Packers. It’s worth keeping an eye on. Will we start to see players getting pulled out for giving away penalties?
2. A Tale Of Two Offenses
The Houston Texans have scored more than 24 points in only two of their games this year. On the season, they are averaging 17.6 points a game.
On the other hand, the Packers have scored less than 20 points in only two of their games this season. They are averaging 24.9 points a game.
Either the defense is going to have to play lights out to keep the game within reach of Houston’s offense or, by some stroke of luck, we will actually score a decent amount of points.
The former sounds much more likely than the latter, but I’m not too hopeful.
The Packers certainly favour the passing game more than the running game, which is understandable when Aaron Rodgers is your quarterback and your running back is James Starks. Pass defense is also where the Texans’ strength lies, as they surrender only 209.2 yards per game.
Maybe we’ll be able to keep Aaron Rodgers in check? Or am I just too optimistic?
3. Third Down
One of the key areas will be between Texans’ seventh-ranked third down defense and the Packers’ second-ranked third down offense.
In a game where it will be crucial for the Texans’ defense to get off the field early, we will need to capitalise on as many third down opportunities as possible. As previously referenced, we could do without things like Jadeveon Clowney jumping offsides. We have been fairly good in third down situations thus far.
What we really need to see is some more pressure on third down from the likes of Whitney Mercilus and Clowney, who have 7.5 sacks between them. Sacks on third downs truly kill drives and can be the difference between a team kicking a field goal or punting.
4. Will Fuller
After a great start to the year, Will Fuller took a sharp downturn in production and the passing offense has looked even more shaky. Last week was the first time since his injury that Fuller made any real contribution. It was nice to see the first round pick back performing well.
The “big chunk” plays (or whatever you want to call them) are something we need a lot more of, and Will Fuller is prime target number one in that respect. His deep ball threat is something no one else on the team really has.
With an offense struggling to pick up easy yards to keep a drive moving 95% of the time, a big play from Fuller could completely change a game’s complexion.
Keep an eye on Fuller on his post routes. I think that’s something we will see more of this week.
What are you guys looking forward to Sunday? Share your thoughts below.
In today’s morning huddle, I made reference to a piece from House of Houston which said that it is time for Osweiler to be benched. But I think that move serves no practical purpose and while it might be popular would not be the right decision. It’s no secret that Osweiler has not played well […]
The last week of the regular season is here, and we’re breaking down the best start and sit options for Week Thirteen.
This is (probably) the last week of the fantasy football regular season for most of you. If you’ve already secured a spot in the postseason, congratulations. This week will likely only affect your first round opponent (or a potential bye). For those of you still fighting for a playoff berth, these matchups will be especially important. Let’s take a look at the best start and sit options, as well as the top matchups to exploit or avoid for Week Thirteen. If you need help with streaming options, you can take a look at our Waiver Watch column from this week.
Colin Kaepernick (QB – SF) vs Bears: Kaepernick has been on our waiver recommendation list for two weeks now, and he makes the start column versus a mediocre Bears’ defense. Kaep has been solid, particularly over his last four contests. He has eight touchdowns and 1,110 yards over that span, and should be considered a low-end QB1 at this point.
Jordan Howard (RB – CHI) vs 49ers: Howard has been a great fantasy back for the most part this season, and he has a great opportunity against the 49ers this week. San Francisco ranks dead last against the run, so Howard should be in line for a hefty workload. Expect big numbers from the Bears’ running back this week.
Kenneth Dixon (RB – BAL) vs Dolphins: Take this one with a grain of salt, because I’m only putting Dixon here as a flex play option. Dixon is finally out-touching fellow Baltimore back Terrance West, and Dixon has the potential to be a hugely impactful piece of the Ravens’ offense. Last week marked his best performance to date; Dixon should be evolving into a starting role (like we’ve been hoping for all season). He is a riskier option than most in this column, but he has an incredibly high ceiling.
Tyrell Williams (WR – SD) vs Buccaneers: I had Williams in the sit column last week as he faced off with the high-powered Houston defense, but he managed 70 yards and a touchdown anyway. This week, he should have another big game against the Tampa Bay pass defense, making him a solid WR2 or flex option in most leagues.
DeAndre Hopkins (WR – HOU) vs Green Bay:Brock Osweiler has struggled mightily this season, something I don’t need to remind Texans fans or fantasy owners of. But this week, Nuk gets a great matchup against Green Bay’s 21st ranked pass defense and he has boom or bust potential as a flex play.
Jordan Reed is likely out. Rob Gronkowski is having surgery and is definitely out (for a few weeks at least). The tight end position just got a whole lot thinner as we head into playoffs. With all of that in mind:
Kyle Rudolph (TE – MIN) vs Cowboys: Rudolph is having a solid season, ranking sixth among fantasy tight ends. He has 145 yards and a touchdown on 16 targets over his last three games. This week, expect Rudolph to see a lot of targets as the Vikings try to match the high-powered Dallas offense.
Zach Ertz (TE – PHI) vs Bengals: Ertz hasn’t been a spectacular fantasy tight end this season, but he has a solid matchup against Cincinnati this week. With injuries to so many top-tier starters this week, Ertz has potential to fill in. If you’re missing Gronkowski or Reed, he is a viable streaming option.
Blake Bortles (QB – JAX) vs Broncos: Few forces in the NFL have been as dominant as the Broncos’ defense this season. Bortles is having a solid fantasy season, but he has also stumbled occasionally. Consider this week a potential low-scoring performance due to a bad draw. Get a different quarterback in your lineup if you can.
Terrance West (RB – BAL) vs Dolphins: With Dixon finally in the start column, it only makes sense to bump West to the sit column. The Ravens’ running back appears to be losing his starting role to Dixon. West has only 186 yards and one touchdown over the past five games. It’s likely time to relegate him to the bench.
Marvin Jones (WR – DET) vs Saints: It’s time to let go, Jones owners. The early season success of the Detroit wideout has waned into near irrelevance for fantasy purposes. Over the last four games, Jones has managed only 107 yards and no touchdowns. He’s not even a decent flex option at this point and should be on the bench (or frankly, the waiver wire) in all leagues.
Jason Witten (TE – DAL) vs Vikings: The Dallas offense has been explosive this season, but Witten’s stats have been lackluster (outside of his huge game against Cleveland). The tight end faces one of the best passing defenses in the league this week as Dallas takes on Minnesota. He is best left on your bench if you have another viable tight end.
What are your thoughts heading into the final stretch, fantasy owners? Is there anyone you think should have made the start or sit columns this week who didn’t? The comments section is yours to ask questions, give advice, or just brag about your fantasy prowess and playoff berths. Best of luck in the final round of the regular season!
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WEEK 13 NFL PICKS
My apologies for being M.I.A. last week, but there was some really important stuff going on and I just couldn’t take the time to sit down and tell you all about who I thought was going to win or lose by a certain number of points. I mean, I know this isn’t the hardest thing to do, but still, you think I wanted to take even 10 minutes away from stuffing my face with mashed potatoes and gravy and bird? No. Take 10 minutes and your stomach starts to shrink. Can’t do that. Too large of a risk on too large of a day. I did my part though….I provided my friends with winners, so I feel good about that.
….I’m really missing all that damn food. I feel like I needed at least 3 more day-after turkey sandwiches to truly fulfill my Thanksgiving experience. Oh well…
COWBOYS (-3) VS VIKINGS
“Are the Cowboys really that good?? I mean we say that every f**king week and then they win every single week so maybe I should stop questioning them. Or I can continue questioning them, and take the Ravens +7! Yea! I’ll do that instead! I honestly think that all the Tony Romo stuff this week has had to have some kind of effect on the team, right? I mean possibly it makes them all rally together and feel secure, but I don’t know. I have to believe that at least 30% of the team wants Romo to start, right??? Dak Prescott ain’t winning no Super Bowl, I know that. Well whatever, I will stop questioning them next week. Ravens getting 7 points just is always too much no matter how bad they seem to be. Take the Ravens and the points. ” – Me 2 weeks ago
I can’t really explain why or how I will totally know something and predict something but still totally go against it? Does what I just said even make sense? Kind of, right? I’m basically just trying to say why the f**k do I keep betting against the Cowboys when I know that I shouldn’t bet against the Cowboys? I mean Jesus Christ, the Cowboys are officially legit. They are good. I watched the Thanksgiving game against the Redskins and holy shit is that O-line a monster. I’m talking about 10-15 yards down field on a stretch run play before Zeke even hits 10, kind of monster…
Just seriously impressive s**t. These boys are big, nasty and scary athletic. The Vikings D-line is the strength of their team but I truly think that it won’t matter tonight. Also, the Minnesota Vikings are either officially murdering Mike Zimmer or watching Sam Bradford play quarterback can actually damage your health . That poor, poor man…..
I’m not going to bet against Dallas anymore. In fact, I might pick them every single week from here on out which almost guarantees that they will probably lose the rest of their games. DEM BOYZ -3.
49ERS (+1) VS BEARS
Why are the 49ers playing in Chicago two years in a row? Didn’t they there play last year??? Oh yea!!! They did!!
…….yes…….you just watched a game tying Blaine Gabbert 44 yard TD run. Yes that was real.
I have no real comment on this game. I just know that when the Bears are at home, bet against the Bears, especially when they are playing a team that is supposed to be worse than them. Jacksonville even came into Solider Field and won this year, right? Jesus…..
Kaep seems as if he is finally comfortable playing professional quarterback for a football team. That doesn’t mean that Kaep should be starting as a professional quarterback for a football team, but to be honest, there’s like 6 quarterbacks combined on both these teams rosters and none of them should be a starting professional quarterback. This game means absolutely nothing. 49ers +1. AHOOO. AHOOO. AHOOO.
CHIEFS (+5) VS FALCONS
This is kind of boring and it’s probably the best match up of the weekend, isn’t that weird? I just think 5 points is too much. I see this as a field goal game. Chiefs really impressed me last Sunday night, I think they are a really good team, probably the best team in the AFC West. The Falcons have over performed from the start, and haven’t slowed down. They have beaten the Broncos in Denver and should have won in Seattle if the referees had thought it was a flag when Sherman aggressively arrested Julio Jones in midair. Both teams have some really impressive wins, I could see the Falcons winning this game but not by more than 5. Alex Smith makes comeback drives, remember?
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Fantasy Football Waiver Watch: Week Thirteen
Week Thirteen is the final bye week, and likely your final round of the regular fantasy season before playoffs start. We’re breaking down the best options available on the waiver wire in at least 50% of leagues.
This week thankfully marks the end of the byes. Tennessee and Cleveland are the last two teams up, and their absence shouldn’t crush your lineup too much. For a lot of leagues, this is the last regular season round of matchups before fantasy football playoffs start. The waiver wire is pretty empty at this point, but let’s take a look and evaluate who is worth a last minute add before your playoff run.
Colin Kaepernick (QB – SF): The 49ers’ quarterback has strung together four solid fantasy performances in a row now, and can officially be considered a safe starter. He also has a handful of decent matchups coming up against the Lions and the Falcons during fantasy playoffs. He’s a solid streaming option if you need a quarterback. (ESPN: 22.8% owned)
Taylor Gabriel (WR – ATL): The Falcons’ wideout has had an impressive four week stretch, including four touchdowns over four games. He has compiled between 52-76 yards in each contest, and is a good big play option for your fantasy roster. Grab him if you need depth or a flex play option. (ESPN: 3.6% owned)
Malcolm Mitchell (WR – NE): Mitchell now has back to back games with a touchdown, and has been explosive over that span. He has 140 yards and three touchdowns over the past two weeks, and seems to be developing as one of Tom Brady’s top targets. New England has a tendency to spread the ball around, so I find it hard to rely on their wideouts week in and week out. But Mitchell is a good bet, and a nice waiver add as we head into the fantasy stretch. (ESPN: 2.7% owned)
Marquess Wilson (WR – CHI): Someone had to step up in the wake of Alshon Jeffery’s suspension, and so far, Wilson has done the best job. He had 125 yards and a touchdown against Tennessee last week, and could provide an explosive option for your fantasy roster as well. He’s worth an add if you need depth at receiver. (ESPN: 0.2% owned)
Kenneth Dixon (RB – BAL): Yes, Dixon is on this list again after burning us a handful of times with low production. But he looks for real now, as he continues to evolve into the Ravens’ primary back. He may not be your starter this week, but if he does have a decent game, he could be a streaming option for playoffs. Running back is still an absurdly thin position for fantasy purposes, and you don’t have many options left on the wire. (ESPN: 25.1% owned)
What do you think, fantasy owners? Is there anyone else you want to see on the list this week? Is there a favorite target on your waiver wire that you’re aiming for? Do you have a fantasy strategy to share or questions to ask? The comments section is yours to discuss anything and everything fantasy football. Best of luck making playoffs if this week decides your fantasy fate!
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This has to be the end of the Brock Osweiler experiment. Today our defense could have kept the Chargers at bay if our offense were able to hold its share of the burden.
Have you ever been walking ahead of somebody or running ahead of somebody and you have to physically turn your entire body around to see what they’re doing back there? This is what is happening to the offense. The offense is holding back trying to wait for Brock to figure it out. And it’s not like Brock is a dumb man. He’s not. He’s a really smart guy. He’s a really hard worker. Those two truths make this all the more tragic. But at the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for the team. The team isn’t here to help Brock learn how to play as a professional in the NFL. It’s possible he can figure it out. But our players and our team do not have the time to wait for that to happen.
Today’s game against the Chargers was absolutely winnable. With better quarterback play we would have won. Coach, you’ve always been a results oriented man. You’ve always been there holding players accountable. You must hold Osweiler accountable. We need to start the Savage era now. Something just isn’t clicking with Brock Osweiler. You literally have to cut our losses and go to the next qualified quarterback. Next week will be game 12. The season is still salvageable. Please don’t leave Savage to pick up on a meaningless season once Brock has run it into the ground.
Coach we pay you the big bucks to make the tough decisions. And this is one of the toughest decisions you’ve probably faced. Brock is a model player. He’s a model quarterback in his preparation. But when the rubber hits the road he’s screwing it up. End of story.
Maybe you or some other coaching department can sit down and figure out how to take advantage of all of Osweiler’s talents after the season is over. But our team does not have time to fuck around. By leaving Osweiler in all this game, we threw away a perfectly winnable game. Look yourself in the mirror before you go looking at any other player or coach in the locker room.
I know. I know last year you felt like you yanked Hoyer too soon. I thought you yanked Hoyer at a perfectly appropriate time. I also feel like you’ve overcompensated this year for having “yanked Hoyer too soon”.
Please, Coach, get over yourself. Stop explaining away all of Brock’s failures. The fact is – the man has failed. At this point in the season, it’s not our job to worry about it. It’s our job to figure out the only path to winning the game. Do your magic with Tom Savage – you know how to take advantage of a quarterback’s skill sets. You know how to dumb down the playset if you have to to make Tom Savage look like a genius. The fact is, you may not have to dumb down the playset.
Tom Savage may be the genius quarterback you’ve been waiting for. Unleash Tom Savage. Let him play. We have witnessed the Brock Osweiler experiment. The experiment has failed. Please save the season.
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BRB Ministry of Information’s Week Twelve Preview: San Diego Chargers
This is the most unbiased preview of this week’s game against the Chargers you will find on the planet.
Rise for glorious Hymn of the Houston Texans!
Comrades! A vile conspiracy from external forces subverted football-loving fans and players of the Houston Texans and their inevitable victory over the Oakland Raiders! Reports have surfaced over last several days that men in stripey shirts, a symbol of their loathsome solidarity against football justice and decency, working in concert with unseen cowards embedded in crowd, were responsible for the Texans returning home with wholly undeserved loss after stalwart defense of Mexico City.
Reasons as to why these stripey subversives acted in such a despicable and unwarranted manner toward the Texans remain unclear. Perhaps they all simply had bad childhood where none of them appreciated the humble pleasure of well-fought victory. Maybe they were seduced by other teams within AFC South to bring unstoppable Texans down to those teams’ lowly level. Perhaps they all have compromising pictures of them doing untoward things with farm animals who are not their wives. It remains a mystery to Ministry of Information.
In addition to interlopers on the field, spineless guerrillas at game interfered with proper course of Texans on-field dominance. Using tools of deceit like laser pointers and paper airplanes, these quislings attempted to blind Hero of Houston Texans offense Brock Osweiler, trip up DeAndre Hopkins and generally attempted to embarrass Supreme Leader O’Brien by spiking his Gatorade with mescal and clouding his immaculate decision-making skills.
These traitors to Mother Houston must not be tolerated. If you, as good and loyal fan of the Houston Texans, see anyone resembling these unpersons, it is your patriotic duty to report these unpersons to footballburo and Ministry of Information immediately!
But is time to look away from outside actors and return to Mother Houston and her bitter struggle against ever-hated San Diego Chargers. The Chargers have been imbued with same counter-revolutionary spirit that resides in weak hearts of all teams who stand in opposition to glorious Houston Texans. Their strain of this poisonous and highly divisive sentiment goes to an even deeper extreme, though. Not only do Chargers wish to quell Battle Red Army and its inevitable march to triumph, they wish to bring end to glorious football as we know it everywhere they go!
The evidence is there, comrades, right in Chargers’ own backyard. The Chargers, a team owned by greedy imperialist stooges and managed by dunderheads who have all draft prowess of a sea cucumber, is determined to eliminate all professional football in a 50 mile radius. San Diego’s “Measure C,” a flimsy plebiscite orchestrated by Chargers in an attempt to feign interest in remaining in San Diego, failed miserably two weeks ago, much to delight of team’s money-grubbing owner and his flunkies.
“We never liked San Diego,” an anonymous source told Ministry reporters. “It smells too strongly of fish taco, and the sound of the surf constantly beating on the shore has driven many of our top executives to madness. We need to go to a more sedate, tranquil place like Los Angeles. It’s in the best interest of everybody in the Chargers organization.” When asked what this would mean for proud commentariat of San Diego who watches their team, same source said, “Tough luck for them. I’m sure they’ll understand our plight.”
We at Ministry of Information hope that people of San Diego do not fall victim to counter-revolutionary machinations of the Chargers; but if they do, revolution of Texans welcomes all.
Going into this week’s game, Chargers will be missing vital component of their defense, one that will turn their inexorable-yet-noble defeat into catastrophic train wreck of football carnage. Defensive tackle Brandon Mebane has been placed on injured reserve and will not face glorious Houston Texans’ offense led by aerial juggernaut Brock Osweiler. Reports from within team indicate nose tackle tore his biceps, but more credible reports obtained by Ministry state that Mebane simply knew he was outclassed by Texans’ impermeable offensive line and wanted an out, which simple-minded Chargers brass were willing to give.
News of the Chargers’ next opponent has also forced out overrated linebacker Manti Te’o, who has been more or less invisible since coming into league. He, too, begged to be placed on injured reserve rather than suffer ignominious defeat at hand of mighty Houston Texans offense. Fortunately for Chargers, they have replaced him with ex-girlfriend and production from his position has been effectively unchanged.
It is more than disappointing to see teams give their players such opportunity to chicken out of duties. With glorious Houston Texans, not single player ever considers abandoning team because of internal weakness. For Texans players, it is matter of great pride and honor to take up one’s duties, no matter how outclassed opponents are.
There was brief glimmer of optimism for football-hating Chargers when they drafted Derek Watt, younger brother of Hero of Houston Texans Defense J.J. Watt, for fixing their constant issues at position. But reports from Ministry of Information sources state that younger Watt has struggled due to his unhappiness with being away from the loving bosom of Mother Houston and playing with his older brother. These sources also state that Derek Watt feels he is being held hostage by Chargers and efforts have been made by Comrade Watt to liberate his brother from insufferable clutches.
As last ditch effort to boost their inept running game, the Chargers have renditioned Denver exile Ronnie Hillman in hopes of creating some kind of spark for offense. “Coming from a different system, we think the way to get him really quickly integrated is simple,” said one source to objective Ministry reporters. “Since Philip Rivers will be in his ear about every little thing, starting today, we’re going to lock [Hillman] in a room with Philip and just let him scream at him for 24 hours straight. It’ll get him used to the crybaby that Philip has always been. That way when we inevitably screw up on offense again, Ronnie can just shrug off all the screaming and spittle that Philip produces, the way everyone else on the team does.”
News of Phil Rivers’ hysterics is not new, but nobody knows exactly how extreme it is. According to highly credible sources within Ministry’s sphere, indicate it borders on madness levels. “He’ll yell at just about anybody; other players, coaches, Melvin Ingram’s pet hamster, Captain Hamsterpants, trees, Dean Spanos’ sponge cake…the list is endless. It’s especially bad if you call him Phil. One rookie slipped up and called him Phil by accident; he spent 45 minutes just howling a blue streak at him. I think he works as a prison guard now. Said that they’re easier to deal with than Philip Rivers ever was.”
The world marvels at glorious Houston Texans’ prowess and has universally condemned the cowards in Mexico City and stripey-shirted interlopers for transgressions on Monday night. Now Texans will show vile Chargers and their crybaby quarterback full might of the Battle Red Army! Inevitable triumph of Texans over the Chargers will bring great honor to Houston and its proud, industrious football-loving fans and players!
Reconnaissance from Last Week:
The hilariously inept Chargers played evenly matched battle against perennially futile Miami Dolphins. Toward the end, when it was tied at 24-24, Chargers appeared to have a chance at bringing in a potential victory; that is, until crybaby Phil Rivers threw a pick-six to Kiko Alonso to put Dolphins up 31-24. After game’s end, crybaby Rivers was so upset that he drove to Sea World and punched a dolphin in the mouth after berating it for several hours to annoyance of other patrons and Sea World staff.
Battle Red Blog’s Ministry of Information is now on Twitter under the name @BRBInfoMinistry. You will follow now. To not follow is a counter-revolutionary act!
Before you get all gluttonous, watch today’s first game and commiserate with your fellow BRBers.
I hope you all are having a beautiful day celebrating turkey genocide. This morning, we get the first of what should be three good games. Leading off, it’s Vikings versus Lions. Put it on while you pick apples, bake pies, fry gizzards, and watch that pasty burn turn bronze. Better yet, talk about the game here at Battle Red Blog.
Have fun eating til you poop, drinking till you puke, taking a nap, and doing it all over again. Remember: The same commenting rules apply.
All the players you should start or sit for the Week Twelve matchups
Week Twelve begins with a three game lineup on Thanksgiving, starting at 11:30 a.m. CT. As we all remember to set our fantasy lineups earlier than usual, let’s break down the best match-ups to exploit and the top options to start or sit. Lucky for us, there are no teams on bye this week.
Dak Prescott (QB – DAL) vs Redskins: Dallas’ rookie quarterback is having a great season, and I don’t see any reason for that to change today. Prescott has thrown for at least 247 yards and two TDs in each of his last five games. He faces a mediocre Washington pass defense this week. Prescott has been solid all year, proving himself as a reliable starting option in all leagues.
Thomas Rawls (RB – SEA) vs Buccaneers:Rawls returned from injury last week set to share carries with rookie C.J. Prosise, who strung together solid fantasy performances in Weeks Ten and Eleven. Unfortunately, Prosise sustained an injury that will sideline him for a while, leaving Rawls to reclaim his lead role in Seattle. The running back takes on the 25th ranked Tampa Bay run defense this week and should be in line for a big game.
Sterling Shepard (WR – NYG) vs Browns: Shepard struggled through the middle stretch of the season, leaving his fantasy owners a little worried. He has returned to his early season form over the last three games, scoring a touchdown in each game. He should have another solid outing this week as he faces the Browns’ 22nd ranked pass defense.
Zach Ertz (TE – PHI) vs Packers: I had Ertz in the sit column last week and am fully willing to admit I was wrong. Ertz nabbed his first touchdown of the season and seems to have returned to his status as a key piece of the Eagles’ offense. With at least six receptions in each of his last three games, he’s a worthwhile option in PPR leagues. Even better, Ertiz is facing a struggling Green Bay pass defense this week.
Matthew Stafford (QB – DET) vs Vikings: Stafford has struggled over his last three games, all of which have been against top five pass defenses (Houston, Jacksonville, Minnesota). This week, he faces off with the Vikings once again and is likely in line for a similar outcome. Try to get a quarterback with a better match-up in your lineup for this week.
Isaiah Crowell and Duke Johnson Jr. (RBs – CLE) vs Giants: Neither Crowell nor Johnson has amassed more than 30 rushing yards in in the last four weeks. They have only one touchdown over that span combined (Crowell scored in Week Eight). The backfield in Cleveland is a mess. Steer clear this week as they face a solid Giants run defense.
Tyrell Williams (WR – SD) vs Texans: Houston should be looking for vengeance this week after being robbed against the Raiders on Monday Night Football. The Texans boast one of the best pass defenses in the league and should continue to shut down opposing receivers. Williams is better served on your bench for this unfavorable match-up.
Marvin Jones (WR – DET) vs Vikings: Over his last three games, Jones has failed to exceed three reception or eclipse 33 receiving yards. His fall from fantasy grace has been mighty, and this week he faces one of the top pass defenses in the NFL. Leave him on your bench, as I’m sure was your plan already.
Coby Fleener (TE – NO) vs Rams: It’s always hard to recommend sitting a player at a thin position, but Fleener has an awful match-up against the sixth best pass defense in the league this week. The Saints’ tight end has failed to rack up more than 45 yards in his last five game. He has only one touchdown over that stretch. Keep Fleener on your bench this week if you can afford to.
What are your thoughts this week, fantasy owners? Is there anyone you are prioritizing in your lineup? Anyone you are avoiding? The comments section is yours to debate, discuss, predict, and ask for fantasy advice as we head into Week Twelve.
The morning huddle brings you all the Houston Texans news you need to know in order to keep up with your favorite NFL franchise Good morning and a Happy Thanksgiving to each and everyone of you from all of us at the Toro Times. We hope everyone enjoys a happy and safe holiday with friends […]
Texans fans talk about what they’re thankful for on BRB.
From all of us here at your favorite neighborhood website about the Houston Texans, happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Despite a season full of ups and downs, the Texans are 6-4 and atop the AFC South, meaning that they’re very much alive (perhaps even favored!) to host a playoff game in January. That’s something to be thankful for.
Separate open threads for each of the three (3!) NFL games today will post throughout the day, with the first one (Vikings-Lions) coming at 11:15 a.m. CST, followed by Redskins-Cowboys at 3:15 p.m., and finally Steelers-Colts at 7:15 p.m. In the meantime, enjoy the holiday and feel free to talk about what you’re thankful for, football related or not, in the Comments below.